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BELOVED PARTNER
Mary Moffat
Ever since my wife went to be with the Lord in November,
2000, I have not slept well. This is not
uncommon when one loses a spouse, particularly one of 53-1/2 years. Many are the nights that I twist and turn all
night with very little-if any-real sleep.
The other side of the bed seems so very empty. Often I'll get up and read for an hour or
so.
On one such night I finally got up around 2:30 in the morning and went to the family
room where, at the time, many of our books were kept. As I was looking at the shelves, my eyes and
hands fell on one book with the title Beloved
Partner. This book had graced our
library shelf for a number of years, but I had never read it. It is the biography of Mary Moffat, the wife of the renowned Dr. Robert Moffat. He was a pioneer missionary of the London
Missionary Society who ministered in South
Africa from 1816 to 1870. As I browsed through that book, I knew the
Lord had directed my attention to it; for so much in it paralleled the experience
of my dear wife and me-although in no way did we undergo the difficulties of
travel that they did with covered wagon and lumbering oxen, oftentimes four and
five span, that made only ten to fifteen miles a day. Their living conditions were very primitive: carrying water from the river to their house,
cooking in a homemade fireplace and oven, planting and gardening, tending cows,
and many other such chores. During our
first term water was brought to our house by a lumbering oxcart as well. Where we lived and served in the Sahara
Desert, I made a brick oven.
For the Moffats there were long years of fruitlessness, of
reducing an unwritten language, and of translating the Bible into that
difficult tongue. Other duties took time
from the all-important task of evangelism: planting, building, carrying, creating,
butchering, salting, storing, sewing, cobbling, carpentering, blacksmithing,
preaching, teaching, exhorting, pacifying, supporting, cleaning, feeding,
doctoring, praying, writing, etc.
Let me briefly relate their history.
Robert ("wee Bobby") Ormiston, of Scotland,
had a limited education and an apprenticeship as a gardener. He was employed by Mr. James Smith, a
nurseryman in Dunkinfield, England,
and became very well liked by this family and particularly found delight in the
eyes of their only daughter Mary.
At a missionary meeting in a local
church, Robert was called to the mission field and assigned, by the London Missionary Society,
to a pioneer work in South Africa.
Mary Smith Moffett was born into a well-to-do, deeply religious,
English family and sent to a Moravian school where she caught the vision of
missions.
A growing love had developed between
these two young people, but Mary's parents refused to allow her to go with
Robert when he departed for Kuruman, South
Africa, in 1816. Three years later the family relented, and
Mary went to Capetown to meet and marry her beloved Robert. She wrote to her parents that "About 1 o'clock, I went ashore and clasped my Robert
in my arms. I was tolerably
composed! To the last I was kept so by
endeavoring to soothe his feelings which were very strongly manifest. But, oh, my cup of happiness seems almost
full; here I have found in him all my heart could desire. . . ."
Their trip from Capetown north, some 700 miles with all
their belongings in a covered oxcart being pulled by six span of oxen, took
seven weeks. This was their honeymoon,
and she said it was one long picnic.
In an age when marriage was often a contract with severe
lines of demarcation between husband and wife, Mary was fortunate that hers was
not only a love match but also a partnership.
She had said, "I trust that the Lord will not disappoint my hopes but
will grant me the honor of doing something for Him in Africa." The Lord did indeed grant her that request as
she labored by her husband's side.
Robert was an independent individual given to moods both
visionary and of depression. Mary was
steady, disciplined, patient, and organized. She had a faith in the future that
never wavered. She was always ready to
comfort and support Robert. They eventually served for over 52 years with only
one furlough during that period of time.
Mary was Robert's "beloved partner," a true helpmeet. Their goal was to see the Bechuana come to
Christ, a church planted, and the Word of God available in the language of the
people. Their love for the national was
one, and their arms and home were open to the nationals. Mary was wife, mother, and true missionary. She was a great encourager to Robert in the
tedious task of learning the language and translating the Bible, which took
many years of plodding word by word, verse by verse. Robert was self-taught in Greek. They were
truly one flesh, one mind, and with one purpose: all to the glory of God. Africa became their
home.
There were times when Robert was very discouraged and depressed;
but Mary, at his side as a true companion and a true partner in the work, saw
him through these difficult times [Ephesians 5:31-33]. She was a woman of great faith.
After many years of faithful, dedicated service, Robert
began to wonder whether any of the Bechuanas would ever come to faith in Jesus
Christ. But Mary was ever confident that indeed some would kneel at the foot of
the cross and accept Christ as personal Savior. Unbeknown to Robert she had
written to England
and ordered a communion service set, but it seemed as though it would never
arrive. In that long waiting period, there were several who came to true faith
in Jesus Christ. Just two days before they were to be baptized and observe the
Lord's Supper, the parcel containing that communion set arrived at Kuruman.
Mary's faith was vindicated! That communion set is still in the house Robert
built at Kuruman. I had the joy of viewing those silver tankard and communion
cup.
Why do I take so much time in relating the story of Robert
and Mary Moffat? I want to stress the
vital importance of being sure that your spouse is a "beloved partner." I know my dear Betsy was a "beloved partner"
indeed to me, and I covet the same relationship will be yours with your spouse.
This does not just happen of its own accord. It takes deliberate effort, and I feel it is
by and large the responsibility of the husband to see that this partnership
develops. Share with her the joys and
sorrows of your work. Let her be your
confidante but also let it be in confidentiality. Remember you are one-be one. Let nothing-no one-come between. Ask for and welcome her input. Your spouse may-and often does-have insights
into situations that you do not have.
Don't belittle her advice. Make
sure that she has a vital part in the home.
It will no doubt be different from yours, but it can and should be a
very vital one. She will not be
fulfilled if she is left out or does not feel a sense of your work or
ministry. If your ministry means
learning another language, see to it that she has equal opportunity to learn.
There was a missionary family that we frequently saw in passing
their town as we proceeded much further into the Sahara
Desert, where we were ministering
at that time. This woman had great fear of the national, and if anyone knocked
at their compound gate, she went and hid and didn't respond to the typical
salutation. She made no attempt to learn the local language. Her home was a
prison to her. She was locked into her house, and she locked out any of the
nationals who may have wanted to have companionship with her. It was a very sad
situation. As you can well imagine, that family did not stay long on the field.
Keep the lines of communication open. Never be so busy that you do not have quality
time with your wife daily. Take time-make time-to be alone with her away
from family responsibilities if at all possible. On occasion the work was so
pressing that Robert felt they needed to get away from Kuruman for a few days. They
would take their oxcart and a span or two of oxen and go into the bush for
several days. Alone together they could renew their vision of the mission and,
in a very special way, draw closer one to the other.
Make sure you remember special occasions-birthday, wedding
anniversary, etc. Do something special
if at all possible. The mission we were with in our early days required that
the missionaries take a holiday every year. They had prepared a really nice
vacation spot on a high plateau that was much cooler and isolated than most of
the country. We would take our holiday at the time of our wedding
anniversary. Where we lived, there were
no restaurants or places we could go and have a meal for just the two of us.
But on the plateau there was a government rest house with a lovely dining
service. During that time, I took my wife to that government rest house, and we
had our anniversary meal. It seemed that the menu was always the same-steak and
kidney pie. It was not my first choice of a meal out, but it was a good meal. I
could take my dear wife out for a special anniversary dinner. In a very real
way it bonded us together.
Tell your wife you love her and show it by a hug, a
kiss-be mushy- or a compliment of the dinner or the way she has ordered the
house. Tell her what you dare not tell
any other woman-that you like her hair, her dress, etc. Spend time alone with your wife in Bible
study, reading of good books, in prayer.
Never criticize her in public. If
you are the king of the house, make her the queen. Show proper respect-open of doors, seat her at
the table, and help her get in and out of a vehicle. Make her feel special. She is.
Help with the children and household duties. She helps you. You need to help her.
There are not many
good Bible examples of husbands and wives.
Old Testament:
Adam and
Eve-Eve sinned and led Adam into sin.
Abraham and
Sarah-Abraham gave in to Sarah and went in to Hagar.
Rebecca and
Isaac-She taught her son Jacob to deceive her blind
husband.
Jacob with two
wives and two concubines.
David, Solomon,
and others-all poor examples.
New Testament:
Joseph and Mary
Aquilla and
Priscilla (Acts 18:2 and 26; Romans 16:3; I Cor. 16:19)
Robert did itinerate, and Mary went with him. So Bettie went with me. Mary said "It is a rule of mine that when my
husband goes with the wagon for more than two days, I go with him unless
circumstances render it very improper."
Robert was often filled with frustration and the gloom of
a man left alone to fight against overwhelming odds. It was Mary, with a long disciplined and
patient faith, who supported him during these moods and gave him the strength
to carry on-to keep plodding.
Their marriage had ripened into a partnership of mutual
dependence, and trust developed through years of shared hardship and danger.
Robert trusted Mary implicitly and had absolute confidence in her judgment and
abilities.
In surgery Bettie gave me what I needed-not what I asked
for.
Robert and Mary Moffat had shown that while they might in
many ways despise the Bechuana (because of their lifestyle), yet they loved
them. "Evangelize before civilizing,"
Robert Moffat believed. Neither Robert
nor Mary was going to accept conversion based on emotion alone. They needed more than that; they looked for proof,
evidence of a changed life, which is not arrived at quickly but sustained over
months.
In February of 1829, they held their first baptismal
service and communion. There were 12
participants.
Mary was worried about Robert's health, but she made no
effort to divert him from the task ahead.
As long as he was engaged in the Lord's work, she would support him to
the utmost in it. So was true of my
Betsy.
On those rare occasions when Robert had to be away from
the station, he would write notes to Mary almost daily and send them back by
whatever means he had available.
Mary was a private person.
Her desire was not to receive recognition but to be of assistance. She lived a lifetime in harmony and
partnership with her husband. When she
was with him, she saw life less rigorous, just as he found support in her
constant faith and unyielding optimism.
With Mary's health failing, in 1870, the London Missionary
Society felt they should retire.
On January 10,
1871, five months after setting foot in Britain,
Mary Moffat died quietly and peacefully at Brixton. She was 75.
Robert mourned: "For 53 years I
have had her to pray for me. The wife of
my youth, the partaker of my joys and sorrows for more than half a century has
been taken from me." He called her his
"beloved partner." Their life had not
only been a love match but also a partnership.
JAD 11/1/01
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